A Spider Bite

It was the 19th of June and

I felt like a thorn was in my foot.

My brother had called me on the phone interrupting my four hour group study so that we could go to the Veterans Village of San Diego where I taught Tai Chi Chuan and worked in an acupuncture clinic on Fridays. I ignored the pain and went off to teach the class. Somewhere in the middle of the class I demonstrated the classic crane dip and on the left I felt tremendous pain as I moved with one leg to the ground. I felt my body weakening but dismissed it as something sharp in my foot.

As the evening grew on I began to feel shortness of breath and changed my shoes and socks. I noticed red puncture wounds on the bottom of the foot but

it didn't look that bad at the time.

The next day it hit me like a truck -- I could not walk the same way, I was unable to work out, and the nerves along the hip felt like they were exposed with sharp pain. My wife and my brother and his wife and I went out to dinner, shopped, and I tried to ignore it. It was several days later when someone where we lived pointed out the brown black widow spiders that lived underneath the chairs where we had our study group. I rushed home to look up the symptoms. I realized that I had been suffering all the same symptoms.

I called up the supervisor of the acupuncture clinic and he saw me immediately to lance it. By now you could see 7 separate suitcases of poison. It was still isolated to the bottom of the foot. With the first two lances it immediately closed up and filled in itself. He said that was typical of this type of poison. The third lance did it -- he sucked all the poison out and the wound was bound up to heal. Somehow the symptoms did not release and in about two weeks

secondary infections broke out

in my calf, ankles, and into the joints of my toes.

I added a few more doctors to the list of who I was seeing and they each added to the treatment for heart palpitations, shortness of breath, strong nerve pain, headaches, fatigue, lack of strength, and emotional strain. I felt put down as the infections spread and turned black in the center. I tried tea tree oil combinations that were known to be good for the skin, aloe vera, the triple anti-biotic formula that is popular on the market, a round of antibiotics, and various soaks in the bath. One medical doctor had me add cleaning the surface with iodine and the surgical cleaner that doctors use before surgery. Another doctor had me using stevia topically as well. I took all kinds of supplements to help my body deal with the invasion.

I was unable to study in between study groups for the California State Acupuncture Boards -- the intense burning pain got to me and I needed the group to be able to stay present. Even while in this intense state I took a mock board exam and passed it fairly high. They said I was in the safe zone and to not let up my study.

The fact is

I did not heal and continued to get worse.

The infections seemed to be raising higher and higher on my leg and got past the knee. I could barely keep up and was losing it. I went to the emergency room at UCSD Medical in Hillcrest. I did not have insurance. They said that my treatment was too aggressive and put me on another round of antibiotics. They did not exactly know about the alternative approaches so they stopped them completely. They put me on aloe vera with vitamin E, a cream, and said what was going up my leg now was not the infection but something called contact dermatitis. They felt the infection was slowly healing. They said that definately the iodine and the surgical scrub killed the skin daily and made the healing worse. They said I had an allergic response to the triple antibiotic which caused the contact dermatitis and had me switch to bacitracin. They said they had a rash of such allergic reactions in this area.

The contact dermatitis cleared up slowly by the California State Acupuncture Boards and the intense infection was slowly healing about like it was before ... I slowly introduced the alternative lotions till I figured out which ones were healing it. The baking soda, salt, and apple cider vinegar baths really helped and so did a number of lotions. I still could not work out, felt this nervy pain, and

a deep fatigue was always there.

Despite feeling like the boards were too much, like the day I went out with my wife and family -- I toughed it out. I did not realize at the time that the memory loss was slowly taking away my own recollection of who I was and what I had done in the past few years. It was all I could do to keep up with my patients -- many of which depended on me for chronic conditions like Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis, and various long term orthopedic recovery scenarios.

The day of the boards came and I did my best again. I came close to passing for the third time. It dealt a crushing blow to me but I didn't find out until weeks later. My wife and I had gone to Oregon and enjoyed so much our family. I was pushing every day to even walk or be there. Emotionally

I felt myself losing control

with a baser reaction to everything thrown my way. I could feel myself fighting it day by day.

On a trip to Las Vegas to visit some of my wife's family I had a breakdown. I emotionally could not handle my wife's jealous accusations about a female patient. I had a cussing reaction like the ones I had witnessed as a child in my home where there was jealousy between my Mother and step Father. I gave her my keys and left the car and told her I'd find the motel on my own. I left to cool down because I did not want to escalate to anything worse than it was -- I literally could not hear her.

I didn't even know exactly where I was at the time. I found myself wandering the streets alone for hours and crying. I felt I wanted to commit suicide. As I came out of it I remembered one of my ex-wives calling me that day for me to return a banjo. I called them to see if I could help them remember that I was not the "David" they thought I was. And I headed home by following the strip in Las Vegas. I remember the way since we always went to the strip from the motel.

I came home to the hotel in the middle of the night

dazed and embarrassed

and unable to talk about it. That was my typical reaction in this whole scenario -- I could not even process the whole of what was going on. It would not be till much later that I would realize that I didn't even remember the underlying issues.

My wife needed more room to organize and suggested we move to University City where I had great friends and support all around me. So despite all else going on -- I moved us day by day, and box by box. I cleared out our storage and compressed it into a newer apartment. We both had the expectation of a new cocoon -- a place where we could recover or so I thought. I worked hard to make this new place a heaven on earth for us.

I kept seeing doctors and adjusting my treatment plans. I kept up with my practice but it was all I could give to keep up with patients. I had nothing left. My cussing and leaving on emotional challenges continued. It was about the middle of October when I finally was able to work out again. Every morning I did a bit more until the exercises all returned to my memory. I felt it was strange that after 17 years of doing these Kung Fu work outs that it took so long to remember them. Every day another small piece fit back in. I found the same problem on the piano. I had created 9 10 minute segments of music and had

a hard time remembering

them. I worked everyday until I could play them through.

By now the actual spider bite on the bottom of the foot was healed completely without a scar. The secondary infections were about a 100 strong with a dead looking brown spot in the center of each one that had this intense burning that would drill through my skin and into the underlying structure underneath. I could see some of them healing and the overall size was gradually getting less.

I gathered the love letters of my wife and put them at the head of my bed. I read them nightly and thought about the wonderful love that we shared in this marriage. Somehow that thread carried me through each day. Her commitment to me was a forever commitment and I returned to that commitment in my heart day by day.

My emotions let up at some point and I actually felt jovial. I remember being friendly again and having strength. My wife thought I was being friendly to her for ulterior purposes. I can understand why because it had been a fight of life and death for so long. Everyone who looked at the scars (or even looks at it today) has the look on their face like

"what happened to you."

I counted 23 remaining infections on the calf of my leg this last week. All other infections are clear or with a slight red color a the surface of the skin where they had left their mark.

I was numb when my wife seemed to retreat and disappear in her own life. I asked her what she was doing and she was preparing for a divorce. I realized that I had blown it completely but wanted to know why. She did tell me some things over time and it made me realize

I could not remember the events.

I had to talk to family members and friends to piece it all together. She gave up on any chance of the marriage working so I was forced to move out of the apartment.

I could not see spending money on divorce lawyers so we filed jointly by both signing the document to the San Diego court. My wife filed the papers on the 13th of November. That means no lawyers earn money at our expense and we agree to all of what we need to do to resolve our own situation. At the time I could not even begin to fathom the issues. I began to pray about what I should do and where I should go.

My sister had died on the 19th of September in Wichita which left my parents without someone to help them. When I went back to the funeral I realized that they related strongly to me. They could not conceive of what they would do moving forward. My dad had lost some of his memory, was depending on lists, and was getting worse. My Mother was shaking all over and hesitant in many ways -- in a fragile space. With no family for me in San Diego I realized there was no family in Wichita to help them out. I realized I must go where I can be of help to my parents where my family truly needs me.

Knowing that was the right thing to do

I left on the 15th of November in a truck bound for Wichita with my brother helping drive straight through.

I have lost my memory before with a concussion. I know its effects and how hard it is to gain back the pieces. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong in this divorce. I know that we will recover over time. I know that we will seek to do the Lord's will in life. I wish my wife the best in all she does. I did not abandon her. I did not abuse her in the traditional sense but the reality is that our marriage was full of similar trials. It is a wonder that our marriage survived this long under such pressures. So I understand.

I think of this spider bite now every day of my life. I think of the circumstances that often lead us to

a new place in life.

Things shift and move underneath and two things have become clearer to my mind. First of all, we are all broken. We all suffer from emotional traumas in life and need forgiveness in our life to move forward. Second of all, who is the gardener here?

Today I honor the memory of my wife in all I do -- I taught our entire family west coast swing and we all had a blast. My parents may have many more years of life because someone is there for them. And I have fresh goals and am striving every day to listen to the gardener -- the creator who gave us this great world with all of our trials and tribulations.

The spider bite continues on with a life of its own. It is healing. And amazingly enough my practice continues to grow as healing is something I understand more each day. As I think about it, it is the healing of my own problems that gave me great clues as to the healing of others.